Top principles from Alain de Botton’s famous speech about love


If you haven’t heard of Alain de Botton, then a quick Google search will fill your screen with quotes, essays, and books written by the everyday philosopher. Although he was born in Switzerland, this philosopher has spent much of his life living and learning in the United Kingdom. Thanks to his interest in love, marriage, and general relationships, he has built up his very own philosophy and is now devoting his career to teaching the world what he knows. These are the top principles from Alain de Botton’s famous speech about love.

You are constantly learning

If you’re familiar with the Ancient Greeks, you might know that they are all about teacher-student relationships within each love affair. Alain de Botton also believes in a similar theory, because he is of the opinion that you are constantly learning and teaching each other new lessons when you are in a relationship. No matter if you have been with them for five years or fifty years, to become the best version of yourself and your relationship you need to not only focus on learning more yourself, but also teaching others.

Photo: BURST

You have to become a loveable annoyance

When things start to go wrong in a relationship, it can be easy to point the finger at your other half. It’s because they’re doing everything wrong and because they’re annoying, right? Well, not quite. A relationship is a two-way street, and there’s a high chance that you’re also being annoying. What makes or breaks a relationship is how you deal with these annoying aspects of your personality. You can either let it bring you and your partner down, or you can elevate yourself to become lovable because of this vice. Compatibility is not innate, but rather something you have to achieve.

You have to adopt the skill

Love isn’t something you can just have in the palm of your hands. You have to work for it, and Alain de Botton says that you actually have to treat your partner like a two-year-old. This is because we are more likely to have patience and understanding for a child who is young and inexperienced. So, why don’t we have the same patience and understanding for an adult in a relationship? Botton states that adults often act like babies, and both partners need to understand this to make a relationship work.

Photo: BURST

Fiction has ruined it for everyone

Have you ever watched a movie or read a book and fallen in love with the love between two characters? These fictionalized depictions of love are intense, passionate, but also completely fictional. Because of this, Alain believes that fiction has ruined love for everyone. He believes that this instant attraction and love we read about in books just isn’t reminiscent of everyday life, because love is something we have to work on, and relationships take time and effort.

Alain de Botton has made a name for himself over the years thanks to his thoughts on love and relationships, and it’s fair to say that these principles have resonated with people across the globe.