What you need in order to feel secure in a relationship


Without a doubt, forging new relationships can seem downright draining and daunting. How can you ever feel confident that being together is right, without ever truly knowing what is going on in the other party’s head? While mindreading is impossible, mutual understanding is an entirely possible goal to strive toward. If you’re looking to finally find your other half, then here are the things you need to help you truly feel secure in a relationship.

An open dialogue

What’s the easiest way to learn what your partner is thinking and feeling? Well, you could always just ask them! It can feel bold to ask someone to open up to you and reveal their innermost secrets, but without attempting that discussion, you’ll always be in the dark. It’s important to remember that a dialogue is not a monologue; whenever they give you insight, you also should reciprocate by giving a little back. And when you want to know their views on something you should lead by telling them yours. By being open and frank with each other (even when it seems scary to do so), you begin building up trust and understanding.

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A hearty dose of empathy

You already understand that this relationship is confusing for you, but have you considered how your partner feels about it? Not even the most energetic extrovert is perfectly confident and secure 100% of the time, and your partner may be hiding their own insecurities. Especially if they may suspect that you’re withdrawing from them, they may be reacting to your signals with mixed signals of their own. This can further muddy up the waters. It’s extremely important to be open to each other’s feelings. Not only that, you should also be willing to accept and validate them, even if they aren’t necessarily flattering or upbeat. Opening yourself up emotionally and allowing them to do so as well may seem frightening at first, but while there’s a chance that you might regret letting them be absolutely honest with you, you may very well certainly fully regret not doing so.

Mutual support

While it is necessary to have each others’ backs in a developed relationship, it is also important to have a safety lifeline while you do finally build up to that point. You and your partner both need neutral observers of the relationship who are there just to “represent the interests of their client,” in fancy, legalese terms. Call them wingmen or backup, but while you are focused on growing together with someone else, it helps to delegate the necessary but unromantic task of looking out for dangerous red flags to others. It could be your parents (you already know that they’ll be excessively critical of anyone you introduce them to!), or just close friends who have realistic expectations and know what you deserve and won’t settle for less. It’ll be one less thing for you to fret over, and it can allow you to build up rapport in your existing relationships even as you work on creating a new one.

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Relationships are a lovely thing, and should never feel tiring or crippling. You should never feel like you are losing out or giving up something important by being in one. Having a group to watch your back, and being fully committed to reciprocal honesty and supportiveness together, can help chase away most of those scary feelings, allowing you to develop more as partners. Whether you are still looking for “the one,” only looking for a new best friend, or just now building up important leads at work, every relationship is important. If you remember to give back what you take away, and also focus on accepting the unsavory with the beautiful, then you’ll be on track for landing a secure, long-lasting relationship!